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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29457858">lost: toy soldier</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/starshipaurora/pseuds/starshipaurora'>starshipaurora</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>soldier toys, bereft of life [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Mechanisms (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alexithymia, Angst, Aurora is a Good Friend, Autistic Toy Soldier, Character Study, Depersonalization, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, Gen, It's a rough one folks, Toy Soldier Typical "I'm not real!" feelings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:42:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,039</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29457858</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/starshipaurora/pseuds/starshipaurora</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Toy Soldier finds its missing poster.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>The Aurora &amp; The Toy Soldier (The Mechanisms)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>soldier toys, bereft of life [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2162376</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>55</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>lost: toy soldier</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>happy valentine's day i wrote ts angst. oopsies! not much to say about this one. ts is sad and aurora helps a little.</p><p>the words on the missing poster are taken from official posters the mechs used. i don't have a link to them and i cannot find them for the life of me so you're on your own if you want to find it, sorry</p><p>warnings:<br/>- ts-typical denying that it's real and has feelings<br/>- vague descriptions of dissociation/describing ts and its voice separately<br/>- this fic focuses on the toy soldier's backstory, so there's all that angst in here.<br/>- mentions of treating people like pets/with collars<br/>- misgendering of ts in the missing poster, not in the writing itself<br/>- brief mention of what could be read as self-harm and one of ts' limbs being burnt off (its fine though)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The crew is stopping at a rather small planet for some fuel and violence, as usual. The planet is in close proximity to Earth, which the Toy Soldier finds just spiffing. Earth was such an interesting place! Even though it did spend much of its time there with—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It shakes its head. No use dwelling on the past, not when this city has a unique strain of tea that it’s been itching to add to its ever-growing collection.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ivy helps it by distracting the shopkeeper so it can shove a few bags up its sleeve and into a hollow cavity in its forearm. The Toy Soldier returns the favor by distracting a librarian so she can take some books without a library card.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It and Ivy are walking down the street, trying to find where Marius had run off to, when the Toy Soldier stops in its tracks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There, plastered to the pole of a street light. A poster with a photograph of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It pushes through the crowd to stand in front of the poster.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lost: Toy Soldier. Kidnapped by the starship “Aurora.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The Toy Soldier’s hands are wood and metal but they shake as it runs a finger down the worn paper. It’s been plastered there for years, most likely, ancient and torn. But it’s there.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Please catch and return him to us, we miss him so.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Catch, like it’s a lost pet. Like it’s the lost pet that it truly was in </span>
  <em>
    <span>her </span>
  </em>
  <span>possession. It doubted she missed it, she simply missed her husband, the husband that it was built to replace.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Answers to the name “Boy.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>No. This can’t be real. One of the crew must be playing a joke on it, like they so often do. Like when Jonny used to throw it out the airlock. This must be funny to them. Yes. That has to be it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>She</span>
  </em>
  <span> was so long ago, no trace of her should remain except the carved-out hole in its mind meant just for her.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No collar.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It doesn’t even register that it’s scratching at its neck until it reads the words. And now it wants to curl its fingers in and tear its neck open like flesh, reach inside where the Angel’s voice is kept, just to be sure it truly doesn’t have a collar anymore. It wants to tear itself open inside-out and back again, to make sure there are no collars, no raspberry scones, no “I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Toy Soldier?” Ivy’s gentle voice breaks its thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It tears the poster from the street light and marches off, unable to hear Ivy’s calls compared to the loudness of an echoing “I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Would you like me to burn it?</b>
  <span> Aurora asks, holding a mechanical claw up to the crumpled poster in its hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It shakes its head robotically, neck clacking every few degrees it turns. It’s curled up in the tearoom, staring at the poster and pretending to be upset.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Are you crying?</b>
  <span> she says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Its joints lock and it doesn’t move. It could pretend to cry, if it needed to. But Aurora knows it isn’t Real, so there isn’t any point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course not, my dear,” the Angel’s voice says, the Toy Soldier’s mouth unmoving.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Would you like to?</b>
</p><p>
  <span>It runs its thumb up and down the poster. If it were Real, it might very well be crying. But it isn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Toy Soldier...</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Aurora’s voice sounds pitying. For a brief moment, it almost sounds like </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span>, when she broke it on purpose and begins to apologize— and the Toy Soldier snaps.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What!” the Angel’s voice yells. The Toy Soldier’s face hasn’t moved since it got back on the ship.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>I know you think you aren’t Real. But you are. We have been friends for many, many years. I have been watching you interact with our crew for millennia. You’re just as real as the rest of them.</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“That simply isn’t true.” The Toy Soldier stands, wobbly, before firmly planting its feet on the floor. “I am made of wood.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Brian and I are made of metal. Would you say we aren’t Real?</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, of course you are Real, my dear,” it uses its stolen voice to say. “But Brian has a heart. He was human. You were a moon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>And many of our crew were assigned the wrong gender. They were raised, to put it shortly, wrong. Do you truly believe the circumstances of our births matter, Soldier?</b>
</p><p>
  <span>It wrings its hands together, crumpling the poster even more. “Not— Not yours. That wouldn’t be right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>What makes you think your creation is any different?</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“I—” It shakes its arms, wooden joints audibly moving. “It just Was. I am a Toy. I am not Real.” The Angel’s voice is getting shaky. “It’s rather simple when you put it that way. It’s what’s Right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A door in the wall opens to reveal a fire, a direct tunnel to Aurora’s incinerator. </span>
  <b>You can burn it.</b>
</p><p>
  <span>It stares down at the poster. At the photograph of itself. At the horrible, untrue words written there. At the reminder of the circumstances of its creation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am a Toy,” its voice says, distantly. “I am not Real.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Perhaps you are, or maybe you are not. Either way, you can burn it.</b>
</p><p>
  <span>It clutches the poster in its wooden hand, and shoves its arm into the flames. Its forearm burns, but it cannot feel pain— so why is the Angel’s voice sobbing?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The flames lick up the last of the paper and Aurora shuts the door, pushing the charred end of its elbow out of the way. It stumbles backwards and sits down at the tea table. Its mouth is still closed but sobs are still flooding up its throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A mechanical arm wraps around its body and it grabs Aurora’s hand with its own.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>I know that may not have changed your mind,</b>
  <span> she says, quiet. </span>
  <b>But I hope you can begin to see yourself how we see you.</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Its eyes close. Aurora begins to sing.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>Hark now the drums beat up again</b>
  <b></b><br/>
<b>For all true soldier gentlemen,</b>
  <b><br/>
</b>
  <b>Then let us list and march, I say...</b>
</p><p>
  <span>The Toy Soldier takes a breath, and sings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Out in the stars and far away...”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>well, it's not a completely happy ending but i like to be hopeful</p><p>the song aurora sings is "over the hills and far away," the traditional british song that "the toy soldier's song" is based off of! i like to think in canon, ts likes it a lot, and it's definitely more lighthearted that ts' song, so aurora chose that version to sing.</p><p>i hope you enjoyed this fic, even if it was a little sad. &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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